Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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