capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
