i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
