Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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