I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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