Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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