my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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