I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
