It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
