I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
