He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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