it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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