That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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