You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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