Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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