Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
