he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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