You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
