I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I yelled at your uterus for you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
