Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
