State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
