I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
