I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
