So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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