they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
