So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
