I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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