Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
