the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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