can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
love makes seman taste better
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
