Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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