Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
