I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
sex in a hospital.. check
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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