Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
