my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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