I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
