When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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