just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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