I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
