They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
