i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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