We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am available for nakedness
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
