Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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