You made me cry and you don't even care
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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