My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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