the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
