I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
