Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
