what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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