the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
