Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
