yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
