I'm laying in your front yard are you home
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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