So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
