the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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