Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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