I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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