uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
